


My December

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2004-07-23
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first snowfall of the year, and two old friends need to get reacquainted after thirteen years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My December

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

_This is my December_

This is my snow covered home

__

This is my December

__

This is me alone

__

This is my December

__

These are my snow covered dreams

__

This is me pretending

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This is all I need

__

A week before Christmas the first snow of the year began to fall over Hogwarts. An unseasonably warm autumn had delivered daily downpours, causing the Slytherin dungeon to flood twice (to the joy of Gryffindor). Leaning back against the windowsill, arms crossed, letting the cool breeze from the slightly open window move over him, Sirius Black watched the snow fall and an occasional owl soar across the almost full moon.

His silent contemplation was interrupted when a faint movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Glancing down he caught sight of three pairs of footprints trudging across the new layer of snow. Seeing no bodies to accompany the footprints and hearing the faint giggles coming through the open window, Sirius felt a small smile tug at the corners of his lips as he watched the three Gryffindors make their way through the snow to Hagrid's cabin. He blinked, returning his gaze back to the moon, as his thoughts drifted back to his own fifth year at Hogwarts.

+++++++++++++++

"Tell me again why we're doing this?" Remus demanded as Sirius dug through James's chest.

"Because we've got to get to Hogsmeade to pick up our Christmas present for James and Lily," Sirius replied, tossing a pile of clothes out of his way.

"No, I meant, tell me why I'm helping you get us both expelled," Remus corrected.

"Because you find me horribly attractive," Sirius replied grinning up at his friend. Remus shook his head.

"No, that's why Mary O'Brien helps you in Potions."

"Oh. Right. You're helping me because we're friends." Remus raised an eyebrow. "Fine. It's because when they open their present, they're going to be extremely happy, and seeing them happy makes us happy. Now, here. Hold this." With that Sirius thrust the Marauders' Map into Remus's hands.

"And, now, we're stealing."

"We are not stealing," Sirius replied, jumping up in triumph holding the invisibility cloak out in front of him. "We're just borrowing."

"You know, we could have just had the package delivered," Remus stated. Sirius turned to face him blinking, looking as if he was considering that idea for the first time. Then he grinned.

"Where's the danger in that?" he asked.

"That's the point. There is none."

"Moony's afraid?" Sirius asked, eyes wide in mock surprise.

"I am not."

"Are so."

"Am -- " Remus broke off with a low growl. "Fine," he muttered, grabbing the cloak while simultaneously passing Sirius the map. He tossed the cloak over his shoulder's disappearing from sight. "Come on, Sirius, let's get out of here before James and Lily get back."

"I knew you'd come through in the end, Moony," Sirius laughed, slipping under the cloak.

"Oh, shut up, Padfoot."

++++++++++++++++++

A sudden knock on the heavy oak of his door startled Sirius out of his memories. He pushed away from the wall, walking towards the door, stopping in the center of the room when he caught the scent of the person at the door. He crossed his arms across his chest as the knock sounded again.

"Come in, Remus. It's open," Sirius stated, his voice rough, a mixture of tightly reigned emotions and too much time spent in a form other than human. The door swung inward, revealing a thin figure silhouetted by the hallway's torches.

Sirius felt his breath catch, as his visitor stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind him. Remus turned back to him and watched Sirius with guarded eyes.

"Sirius," he greeted, his voice soft yet the tiniest bit hoarse. Silence descended on them, as if neither one wished to be the first to speak. Seconds stretched into minutes, and Sirius used that time, as awkward as it was, to study his friend, leaning uncomfortably against the oak door. A tattered and patched up, black robe clung to an almost painfully thin body, and Remus's light brown hair had grown longer, now reaching an inch past his shoulders and curling slightly at the ends. His eyes moved up Remus's body to his face, finally meeting his friend's golden eyes.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Right," he muttered, "Did you need something?" His question came out cold, and he hadn't meant it too. Guilt surged in his heart as pain flashed through Remus's eyes. The pain disappeared quickly, however, and Remus smiled tightly, the warmth never fully reaching his eyes.

"You cut your hair," Remus finally said, causing Sirius to subconsciously run a hand through his recently cropped hair.

"Dumbledore thought it would be a good idea. Said it would make me look less like Sirius Black, escaped convict, and more like a respectable, yet anonymous, wizard."

"It looks good on you." Sirius met Remus's eyes again, resisting the urge to gather the man up into his arms. Sirius stepped back slightly, putting more distance between him and his friend. His movement did not go unnoticed by Remus. "I'll be going." Remus turned to leave, and Sirius let out a frustrated growl.

"Damn you, Moony," he muttered, striding across the room and grabbing Remus's wrist, turning him away from the door and halting him. That brief touch sent a shock through the both of them, and more memories sprung unbidden into Sirius's mind.

++++++++++++++++++

One second Sirius was trying to dig his way through his Arthimancy homework and the next he found himself propelled out his chair and pushed up against the wall of the Gryffindor Common Room by Remus. He glanced down into the furious eyes of his friend and felt the first twinges of fear creep into his stomach.

"I can't believe you did that," Remus snarled, baring his teeth in anger.

"I'm sorry, Moony, I didn't think--"

"No, you didn't. I could have been expelled. I could have been arrested." He growled again. "They would have sent me to Azkaban, or, more than likely, I would have been put down like a rabid animal." Remus released Sirius suddenly and turned away from him. "Do you even care?"

"Of course, I care, Moony. I just...I got angry. Snape was saying things, spreading rumors, and I got mad." Sirius watched his friend, trying to find the right words to make Remus understand. "You know how I get. I couldn't think straight. I wanted him to pay."

"You used me, then." Remus turned back to him, glaring at Sirius with cold eyes. "I was a weapon, a tool, never a friend."

"I didn't...God, I'm sorry, Moony. I swear I didn't mean...I just...I'm sorry."

"What did Snape say?" Remus asked suddenly.

"What?"

"What did Snape say? He said something to get you mad enough to want him dead. What. Did. He. Say?"

"You don't want to know. Trust me."

"Sirius!" His name came out in a half-shout, half-bark.

"He was saying that the reason you left every month was to meet with the Death Eaters, that if we searched you we would find the Dark Mark." Sirius sighed. "I told him that if he really wanted to know where you were that all he had to do was get past the Willow."

"And then you told him how." Sirius nodded.

"I swear I wasn't thinking. I didn't...I didn't consider what would happen. I should have. I should have let Prongs handle it."

"Yeah, you really should have." With that Remus walked past Sirius towards the stairs leading to the boys dorm, and he walked up to his bed, not saying another word to his friend who collapsed onto the floor.


	2. Chapter Two

"That's the first time you've called me 'Moony' since we arrived at Hogwarts," Remus commented, quietly. Sirius glanced at his friend, not yet releasing his grip on Remus's wrist. "Mostly 'Remus', occasionally 'Lupin', never 'Moony'."

"I didn't realize," Sirius whispered in reply.

"Are you angry with me?"

"What? No. Why?"

"You've been avoiding me since we got here. You've been too busy to linger at dinner, and always in a hurry to leave." Remus turned fully to him, causing Sirius to release his wrist. "You have barely said a word to me since we left London." He caught Sirius's eyes. "Are you still angry that I believed you were guilty?"

"Of course not," Sirius replied, his words harsh, "The evidence was overwhelming. If I hadn't known I was innocent, I would believed it myself." He blinked suddenly, cocking his head at Remus. "I thought we were good at the Shrieking Shack?"

"I did too," Remus stated, "But then you hardly ever wrote while you were gone. I thought you had changed your mind."

"Moony," Sirius sighed, stepping forward slightly, "I didn't write often because I didn't want the Ministry thinking that you knew where I was. I didn't want you to be handed to the Dementors." He laughed suddenly, causing Remus to cock an eyebrow at him. "Sorry. I was just thinking that I probably should have mentioned that when I wrote."

"Yeah, you probably should have," Remus stated, grinning in return, the smile finally reaching his eyes.

"I'm sorry for the past months, Moony," Sirius commented, his grin slowly dissolving from his features. "I've been...totally inconsiderate, actually. I should have made time between errands."

"Sirius Black, being completely honest, for once." Remus grinned. "I should check with Dumbledore, make sure the world didn't end in the last few seconds."

"Oh, ta very much, Remus," Sirius muttered, another smile threatening to break out on his lips, "Nice to see your sense of humor hasn't suffered at all."

"I've missed you, Padfoot. You know that, right?"

"I know, Moony, I know. I've missed you too." Once again the pair fell into silence, although a more comfortable one this time. Sirius glanced up at his friend, his eyes finding Remus's, and his mouth opened as he searched for words. Sirius had so much to tell Remus, everything that had occurred in twelve years, every tiny glimmer of happiness that had lain buried under misery, pain, and loneliness for that time.

"Do you realize that the only happiness in my mind that survived Azkaban was your smile?"

"What?" Remus whispered. Sirius didn't reply, preferring the embarrassed silence rather than risk saying something else.

"You heard me," he managed softly.

"I-I have to go. Dumbledore needed me to stop by..." Remus stated turning away from Sirius.

"Moony, wait, please," Sirius stated as Remus reached for the door. Remus turned slightly, glancing over his shoulder at him. "Do you remember the morning after James and Lily...."

"I remember," Remus replied

++++++++++++++++++

Someone was pounding on his front door. Usually something like that didn't bother Remus, he was a morning person after all, but the change made it especially difficult for Remus to get up before noon. Dragging himself up to his feet, he grabbed the robe resting on the back of his couch and pulled it over his head as he walked to the door. Pulling it open, Remus was confronted with someone he hadn't seen in weeks.

"Sirius? What's going on?" he asked, taking in his friend's worn appearance and red-rimmed eyes. "Sirius, has something happened?" A low growl sounded from the dark haired man as he stepped over the threshold. He grabbed Remus's shoulders, pulling the man against him, into a tight hug. "Sirius? Would you explain what you're doing, please?"

"Moony, I...." Sirius growled again, blues glittering. His hand moved up to cup Remus's chin, his thumb stroking Remus's bottom lip lightly. "I'm so sorry, Moony. I shouldn't have ever...." He trailed off again, his eyes never leaving Remus's.

"Has something happened to James and Lily?"

"Moony, please, you have to forgive me. I never meant to...I should have known better."

"You aren't making sense, Sirius," Remus stated, "Start at the--" The rest of his reply was cut off when Sirius's lips found his. Tasting of desperation and tears, Sirius pulled Remus against him, holding him in place with a hand at the small of his back and another tangled in his hair.

This kiss was, in simple terms, amazing. Although Remus really did not have a lot to judge with, considering his disappearing act once a month never allowed for long term relationships, this kiss was perfect, the right amount of pressure and tongue, and just a hint of pain as Sirius's blunt teeth tugged softly on Remus's lower lip.

Remus moaned, lacing his arms around Sirius's waist, his hand unconsciously pulling Sirius's shirt out of the waistband of his jeans, Remus's fingers trailing along the line of flesh revealed by the movement of the shirt. Sirius shuddered, pulling away slightly, his breath coming in gasps.

"Padfoot?" Remus managed to ask, just before Sirius leaned forward again, his lips claiming his again. This time Remus retained his free will, reluctantly pushing Sirius away from him. "Sirius, what is going on?"

"Moony? Mooney, I need to tell you something." Sirius licked his lips, "You have to listen to me. You have to understand."

"What? Padfoot, tell me," Remus said.

"I love you, Moony. And, not just as friends, and not as a crush, and I had to tell you that I love you because there's something I have to do." He smiled slightly. "I love you." He turned away from Remus, heading back towards the door.

"Sirius! Wait! You just can't go. What's going on?"

"I can't, Moony. Just trust me, please. I'll be back, and I'll explain everything. I promise."

"Padfoot...."

"Moony, trust me."

++++++++++++++++++

"I meant what I said then. I still mean it," Sirius commented, "Thirteen years hasn't changed anything."

"Sirius," Remus began.

"Remus," Sirius replied.

"I need to go talk to Dumbledore," he stated.

"Why?"

"It's personal, Sirius."

"So? Tell me. I've poured my heart out to you before," Sirius replied.

"The last time you truly poured your heart out to me was when Venus Vaughn dumped you for the Hufflepuff Seeker."

"Your point?"

"Are you ever going to leave me alone?"

"Do you want me too?" Sirius's voice had gone quiet and soft.

"Damn it, Sirius." It was Remus's turn to growl, covering the distance between them with long strides. "You frustrate me." With that, Remus pulled him into his arms, meeting Sirius's mouth with his own, the hunger of the wolf fueling already erratic emotions. His lips maneuvered Sirius's apart, their tongues meeting briefly, before Remus pulled away.

"Dumbledore can wait, right?" Sirius asked, pressing his forehead against Remus's. "Please?"

Remus sighed. "Puppy dog eyes don't work on me, Padfoot." He pulled away slightly, but not completely out of Sirius's embrace. "I'm requesting that Dumbledore allow me to assist you in the coming months."

"That'd be a little redundant, Moony," Sirius grinned, "Already told Dumbledore that I wasn't going anywhere without you."

"And he agreed?"

"Of course," Sirius replied, shocked that Remus would think that Dumbledore would do anything but agree. "He figures that I can keep your changes from being rough when we're away from Hogwarts."

"Funny, I was going to argue that I'd prevent you from getting us both killed."

"Real witty, Moony," Sirius replied, grinning, "So, you're staying, right? Not rushing off?"

"I suppose so," Remus replied, his reluctant tone betrayed by his grin.

"Good, we have catching up to do," Sirius said, pulling Remus into another hug.

"That we do, Padfoot, that we do," Remus muttered, resting his head against Sirius's shoulder.

And both of them were relieved that Hogwarts was finally beginning to feel like home again.

_And I give it all away_

Just to have somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone to come home to

++End++


End file.
